I’m a woman, and yet I prefer they/them pronouns. It’s not just some “woke” phrase to me (though let’s be real—woke should be a compliment, not a slur). It’s always been my preference, but for the longest time, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to say it.

You see, I grew up being told what being a woman should look like, sound like, and act like—and none of it really felt like me. I’m proud of my identity as a woman, but she/her never quite fit. Those words feel loaded with expectations, biases, and stereotypes that I’ve spent my whole life pushing against. So, when I ask to be called they/them, it’s not about rejecting who I am—it’s about claiming the space to be who I truly am.

Why They/Them?

For me, it’s about more than just language. Being referred to as she/her often comes with a weight that feels limiting. Growing up, I constantly heard gendered language used to diminish women:

• “She’s too emotional for that role.”

• “She can’t handle the pressure.”

• “She’s just being difficult.”

Even in casual conversation, it felt dismissive. Remember that old saying, “Who’s she? The cat’s mother?” My neurodivergent brain has never made sense of it (seriously, what does that even mean?), but the lesson was clear: calling someone “she” could be impolite, reductive, or even dismissive. If you knew someone’s name, you should use it.

That idea stuck with me. To this day, I cringe when people reduce me to she/her. I am not just she. I am Sophie. Or they.